Nutty Beto O'Rourke actually wrote this poem. Gag alert. Have an airsick bag near by before clicking.
You can play the video and hear a dramatic reading or read the poem below:
I need a butt-shine,
Right now
You are holy,
Oh, sacred Cow
I thirst for you,
Provide Milk.
Buff my balls,
Love the Cow,
Good fortune for those that do.
Love me, breathe my feet,
The Cow has risen.
Wax my ass,
Scrub my balls.
The Cow has risen,
Provide Milk.